If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
