when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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