her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
