I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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