Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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