Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
