Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
