well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
