she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
