It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize