Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
