i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish you could order shots online.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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