I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
