My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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