I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
