my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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