You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
