: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
