i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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