you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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