$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
this hospital has no fireball
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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