I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
