Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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