I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
