Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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