i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
