you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
