I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
