Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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