Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
