I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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