this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
