i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
