only if we run a train.
done.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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