I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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