I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
