Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize