I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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