you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
