I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
