from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
