if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
