You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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