I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
