Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
