he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize