YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize