Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
