I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did i just pee glitter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have post one night stand depression
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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