Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
