i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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