I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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