Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
