I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I want a musical about memes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
