Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
