I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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