a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
