If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
