Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
