As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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