She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
