I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
