I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
