I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
