My liver just broke up with me...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
