I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
