is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
