dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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