I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
two words...techno handjob
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
