ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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