I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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