Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
