How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
