WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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