he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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