I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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