His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize