i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
