Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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