I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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