drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
