Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
