Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
