the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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