i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
