You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
