And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
