I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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